When you woke up this morning, how did you feel? What exactly went through your mind? Did it make you anxious? Were the worries of yesterday slowly seeping in again and rudely escorting your peace to the exit door of your mind and heart? What exactly are you worried about? What exactly are you anxious about?
When you’ve answered those questions, I advise you to take note of them and examine them. Are you anxious because you know there is something that you are meant to be doing but you just don’t know what? Or how? Or where to start? Or forcing your heart to desire something that God has not put in your heart to desire?
This was me three days ago. My heart was so heavy! Ugh! To the point I just could not speak but I thought “NO!” despite how I’m feeling I have got to get up and get my behind ready for work! But my heart was still so heavy. I went before the Lord and I went before Him with the same anxieties and thoughts I had in my heart from the day before… and the day before that… AND the day before that lol… I just felt stuck in this particular matter, it was driving me up walls, trees, you name it! It was driving me there! I had no peace. Every day I was planning and every plan was different every day.
It would make sense to share what was bothering me. As a recent graduate I initially wanted to go down the route of being a psychologist, but after I had completed my degree my desires flipped, somersaulted, back-flipped, and front-flipped and dived! Elsewhere! In other words I found myself NOT wanting to go down that route…At All… The desire had pffft! Disappeared! I wanted something else, something different… I started looking into different career routes etc. some of the things clicked but I still had no peace about them! But I couldn’t put my finger on why.
So this brings me back to being before the Lord and I remember praying one simple prayer and it was based on James 1:5- Asking for Wisdom. I needed that wisdom, and reading that I could ask for Wisdom and God would freely give it to me, no questions asked?! Yup I needed that! So I prayed for wisdom… No word of a lie, no longer than 5 minutes after, the reason as to why I was worried and anxious and feeling lost came to mind- I was force fitting my life into a box and the true purposeful desires that I had couldn’t stretch resulting in its discomfort being expressed through the feeling of being lost, pressured, frustrated and anxious… Wow….
* Sigh* The Holy Spirit reminded me of what I prayed for months ago and told me that the execution of it was this year, which was the reason why I had no peace about pursuing anything else!
“Can you now see? Is this not what you prayed for?”
*BIG Sigh of RELIEF* I felt a weight had been lifted. I had been focusing on the wrong things. If it weren’t for the prompting of Holy Spirit I would have driven myself into living outside of purpose…
I felt stuck… and I was not at peace… because I was going to drive myself into doing something outside of Gods plan… All for the sake of feeling comfortable and following the Status Quo of a graduate… Man… *shakes head*
Please hear my heart on this matter. I was going to pursue something everyone else wanted and thought was right for me and because everyone else wanted it and thought it was right for me, I thought so too. But there was a problem… It was outside Purpose… that’s why I felt lost… because I was ABOUT to get lost…
Never push the desire God has placed in your heart aside… although it may seem unattainable remember God is a God of the Impossible Luke 1:37 BOOM!
I know some of this may seem a little vague right now, however believe I will be sharing this story to its entirety in time to come!
Please Pursue Purpose.
Sorry I left it so long to post up again.
I look forward to sharing more often with you!
Jesus Is Crazy about you!
I Love You!