“Are you ready?” He asked me. I paused and knew that if I had said “yes!” straight away it would have been an emotional and impulsive response and it would be a response that I’d later have to give an account of, so I responded “Prepare me, make me ready!”
And I believe that tonight is part of the preparation. Tonight God has exposed my heart a little more to me and He has shown me something about my character that can’t taken into the next season and that is the habit of being my harshest critic and judge.
Little did I know that this was acting as a hindrance to my peace, although I had peace and joy but I felt the exposure of this habit gave me greater peace and greater joy!
The Problem: I was failing to appreciate the great work that God had already done in me and I would spend more time searching my heart for what else was wrong in me and what else God needed to fix, change or convict me of, that I hardly spent time if any at all appreciating what God had already made right with me and in me. I honestly would spend most of my time thinking about what I needed to do more of, what I needed to get better at, why I wasn’t doing this or that, and why I kept failing here or forgetting this or that.
But tonight God spoke in the sweetest voice ever and said that He was looking forward to showing me what He had planned to show me tonight. I had planned to spend time with Him this evening at 10:30, when the time came I was fiddling around with my laptop and notebook trying to get in position and again in the sweetest voice he told me not to forget my notepad bible and pen.
When I did all this I had no idea that He was going to show me my heart lol but He made clear that this was the foreshadowing of the things that would take place afterwards. And God wanted me to share.
God wanted to remind me of the work that He has already done in me and the way He did this was so beautiful! I was overwhelmed with the memory of things I used to struggle with and how God patiently through love ushered those things out of me until they were no longer the most prevalent, if not at all present in me. I will list just a few;
- Unforgiveness- God has stripped me of this spiritually cancerous disease. Delivered me from bitterness. Now I’m graced with the ability to not hold anything in my heart longer than the moment an incident has happened. God has literally soaked my heart in mercy enabling me to being merciful towards others and I’m so thankful for that. My prayer is that I endure until the end through the intense testing of my ability to be merciful. I Look forward to passing those tests in the name of Jesus.
- Fear- God delivered me from the spirit of fear. Fear wasn’t a very obviously trait of mine but it was there! God could see it lol I feared stepping out into the unknown, I feared obeying God, I feared the opinions of people, but goodness! Now God has graced me with such boldness that it inspires others to be bold and empowers individuals that are going through whatever test they are going through. And I fear NOT obeying God now lol.
- Worry- I was a worrier, I used to worry about everything, goodness I would worry in my sleep. I would worry about how I was going to help this person or that person, I would worry about finances, I would worry about my future spouse whether he would in the end be a demon! Whether he was going to be like certain men I knew, I would worry about my children whether they would be tameable! (Like they were going to be animals!) you name it I worried about it, and I would absorb other peoples’ worries too! But God! Turned this around! I became a warrior! I trusted God more in everything and with everything. My little heart was no longer troubled by earthly things! Isn’t He amazing?!
- Defensive- If anyone had an answer ready it was me. I had bullets ready to be fired at any time. Every word of correction, I took as an attack. Sarcasm was something I detested. My eyes would roll at jokes told and banter was just not my thing! But God!!! He softened my heart and I became slow to speak! And quick to listen! Me Andrea! It is shocking now how I could be in the process of typing a response to someone, nothing rude but I’m just so conscious of their heart or their perception that I would delete everything and word my response differently, which leads me to the next thing.
- Selfishness- Gosh need I say more. Straight Outta This! flowed jealousy and envy. I always wanted good things and didn’t understand why I couldn’t have them WHEN I wanted them. So when I did get them I didn’t want to share, so I would hide whatever it is I had or I would hide whatever it is I achieved. But NOW! I just don’t feel right if I haven’t shared or if I haven’t brought someone in on something, or taught them how to do something!
- Insecurity- I was super insecure, which led me to pursuing crazy things and even crazy people lol. But God gave me wholeness, He taught me how to love myself by forgiving myself and seeing myself the way He sees me. I found this really hard! Being insecure was something I covered up by being loud and rebellious but deep down I would get so frustrated because I just wanted to know who I really was! And I would grow envious of individuals that knew themselves! But now I’ve got the sweetest relationship with my Maker! I’m whole! Finally! I’m not thinking about WHO I need to be like or HOW. Christ is my standard now and it feels so good to say that I KNOW He loves me. Sigh… For a long time I longed for love and to know I was loved because I knew how much I could love, but I was so afraid that I wouldn’t get the same love back, which added to my anxiety! Woo! I could go on…. Gosh I thank God for seeking me out and overwhelming me with His perfect love despite my fervent rejection! His pursuit of me via love drove out all fear… for real… wow…. *wipes tear*
I would love to go on but if I did I’d be here all night.
My hope is that through this post you would find comfort in Gods promise of completing the work that He has started in you(Philippians 1:6)*
And if He has not yet started the work in you, invite Him in to begin the work by asking Him into your heart and turning from the ways that you know and submitting to His which you can find in the Bible, His word.
I know I leave plenty breaks in between posting but honestly I would rather what I post be led by the Lord than by my flesh. I look forward to sharing, God willing, the fruits produced from the next season I’m entering. I encourage you to think about eternity more! Let God shift your focus!
Hope you heard my heart.
Pray for me that I’ll submit to Gods preparation.
With lots and lots and lots of love,
* And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
**Disclaimer** I apologise for the traumatic grammatical errors! Grace me please lol x